The Poultry Keeper

Itsybitsy · Joined: 11 Feb 2006 Posts: 1208 Location: Midlands

France

'France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these
drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by
prostitutes.'

--Mark Twain

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'I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one
behind me.'

--General George S. Patton

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'Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion.'

--General Norman Schwartzkopf

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'We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.'

--Marge Simpson

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'As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure.'

--Jacques Chirac, President of France

'As far as France is concerned, you're right.'

--Rush Limbaugh

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'The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is
sitting in Paris sipping coffee.'

--Regis Philbin

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'You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the
1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the
face for it.'

--John McCain , U.S. Senator from Arizona

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'Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada.'

--Ted Nugent

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'War without France would be like ... World War II.'

--Unknown

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'The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that
says 'First Iraq, then France.''

--Tom Brokaw

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'What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its
national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the
Nazis?'

--Dennis Miller

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'It is important to remember that the French have always been there when
they needed us.'

--Alan Kent

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'They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for
an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and
a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.'

--Argus Hamilton

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'Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being
advertised on eBay the other day --the description was, 'Never shot.
Dropped once.''

--Rep. Roy Blunt, MO

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'The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found
truffles in Iraq '

--Dennis Miller

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Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered
the city in WWII?

A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

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'Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not
known, it's never been tried.'

--Rep. R. Blount, MO

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'Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII?
And that's because it was raining.'

--John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv

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The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the
London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to
Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and
Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent
fire which destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively disabling
their military.

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French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney

(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003

The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the
use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a
nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of
Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender
to a group of Czech tourists

Sorry to all you good folk who live there Embarassed

Itsybitsy

mojo · Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 5:22 pm Post subject:

racist jokes will not be tolerated here and will be banned .....................if printed twice..............Monsewer mojo

debcat · Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 5:45 pm Post subject:

NannyP · Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 6:16 pm Post subject:

CP · Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 1:17 am Post subject:

milkmaid · Joined: 19 Apr 2005 Posts: 6621 Location: isle of lewis

mojo · Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 6:45 pm Post subject:

and you lot can stop laughing and go clean out the chooks

Debbie · Joined: 31 Mar 2008 Posts: 28 Location: Moncoutant

HTH!!! I like it here!

bronskibeat · Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1115 Location: Clawddnewydd

especially the run to hide to surrender to collaborate Laughing

There's one like that for the English but cant seem to find it now Rolling Eyes

chickenlicken · Joined: 23 Apr 2005 Posts: 31 Location: France

You didn't mention the crazy driving, smelly drains (fosse septic) and dreadful customer service!!! Laughing

vanessa · Joined: 24 Sep 2005 Posts: 856 Location: Correze

... think with ChickenLicken's additions, that's "about right" :lol